Season 15 - Barba & Benson
by LovingMyDoctor
Summary: A collection of One-Shots and Missing Scenes revolving only around Barba and Olivia. Can be read romantically, but no actual real romance, because I'm following the show. Each Scene is from an Episode they were both in. R&R!
1. Imprisoned Lives

**01\. Imprisoned Lives (15x02)**

* * *

 _Olivia: The press is here? Please tell me that you have something.  
Barba: An address on the homeowner's son. Fin and Amaro are en route.  
Olivia: Is the vic any help?  
_ _Barba: Rollins says she may have issues. You okay with all this?  
_ _Olivia: Are you? I got a seven-year-old in the car who's spent his entire life in a basement._ _And God knows what else went on down there. We have no idea where this Pa is or or or who he is. And now the feeding frenzy begins?  
_ _Barba (quietly, to himself): Welcome back._

* * *

I could feel everyone staring at me, as I left the Squad room, holding my head high. This was just another consequence of Lewis' actions that I had to live with. Like the flashbacks. His voice in my head. The nightmares.

As I headed for my car I heard a voice call out:

"Olivia!"

There was so much emotion in his voice. I had not been prepared for that. When I turned around to face him, Barba was hurrying towards me.

"Hey." I didn't know what to say. I hadn't seen him in four months. He had been the last person I had seen before the abduction and this was the first time we were seeing each other without anyone being present and without being at work.

When the ADA stood before me, his green eyes were blazing, but there was no happiness or excitement in them.

"I'm... _so_ sorry." His voice was shaking and the guilt and sadness in his eyes caused tears to appear in mine.

We stepped toward each other in the same moment and I threw my arms around him, as he held me close. His cheek was pressed against mine and I closed my eyes breathing in the smell of his cologne deeply. I think we were both surprised by the intensity of our hug. Who would have thought that merely hugging somebody could feel this intimate and so powerful?

"I'm so sorry." He repeated once more in a deep sigh.

Now might have been the time to step away so we could talk, but I found myself pulling him closer to me. My cheek rested against his and I could feel the rough skin, where he needed to shave,

"It's not your fault."

"I should have put him away."

"You couldn't have stopped this from happening." I closed my eyes tightly, fighting against my tears. Hugging him was one thing, crying in front of him was something completely different.

"I will get him, I promise."

"I know you will."

Now was probably a good time to really talk about our feelings. Had I blamed him? Yes, of course. He should have put Lewis away and had failed to do so. He should have made sure the son of a bitch stayed in prison where he belonged. He should have protected me.

But I had also blamed Amanda for bringing him in. Blamed Cragen for sending me into the interview room with him...I had blamed Nick, Fin, Melinda, Franny – Amandas dog.

And I had blamed myself, just like Barba was doing at the moment.

We didn't speak any more, but stayed locked in our embrace for a few more minutes. We would talk this through, I would help him forgive himself by explaining how I had forgiven him. How I didn't blame him any longer. That it was a process.

But I closed my eyes and enjoyed his presence.

Despite going to therapy, taking care of myself, learning to trust myself and others again, I had missed my friend. I had missed his humour, his voice and the way we just understood each other wordlessly.

I was in love with Brian and he had helped me through this time, but even he and I hadn't clicked the way Barba and I had.

So I left my arms around him and relaxed at his touch, feeling relieved at finally being with him again. With Barba by my side I had truly returned to SVU and despite my failure with Ma today, I had made my position clear. This was where I belonged.

We could still talk about guilt another time. We would be seeing each other more again now.

* * *

Hi guys, I am SO excited to be back with Season15!  
Thank you for all your reviews for the last chapter for Season14 :)

Takara: Thank you for your review! I've always wondered about Harris and Barba too, but I guess they worked together before. I have high hopes for Season17 for some more personal scenes, there are so many things we do not know about Barba after all.

Andreyna Sousa: Thank you for your review :) Season 15 is here now ;-)

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, can't wait to hear what you think!


	2. American Tragedy

**American Tragedy (15x03)**

* * *

 _Barba: The Jury told me they were split on the first pole_

 _Olivia: What happened?_

 _Munch: Fear won out._

 _Barba: I'm sorry. I..._

 _Olivia: No._

 _Fin: It's not on you. It's just how it is._

* * *

Munch was the first to leave our group and Fin, Barba and I decided to head for the nearest bar. It felt good to do something normal again. Something we had done before Lewis. Something he hadn't been able to take away from me.

"So, you and Cassidy found a place yet?"

I nodded.

"I'm glad."

I knew Fin was upset about the turnout of this case, for him this was something personal, but I was glad he was trying to distract himself from it.

"Do you want some wine?"

I shook my head at Barbas question, "Beer."

He left to get my drink and when I looked back at Fin I was shocked by the sadness in his eyes. This case had gotten to him more than I had realised.

"I'm worried about Munch." He said quietly, "He was pretty shaken up about the verdict."

"I'm worried about you." I gave back.

"Nah, I'm fine Liv."

Barba sat down beside him and I reached for my purse, but he merely smiled and shook his head, "It's on me."

"Thank you."

The three of us started drinking in silence. When Barba spoke again he was using a defeated and sad tone:

"To Mecahd."

We repeated it, but none of us actually raised our glasses.

"I don't understand how this happened." Barba sounded so tired in that moment, "I really thought I had the Jury convinced."

"Don't beat yourself up about it, Counselor." Fin sighed, "It's the same old story."

Barba and I looked at each other, but did not comment. There was nothing we could say. We couldn't change what had happened and couldn't comfort Fin.

"You and Cassidy." Fin suddenly said, "Will you have a house-warming party?"

His question made me smile. Brian would not want to have a House-Warming-Party - that was something I still had to talk him into.

"I don't know." I finally said, "Maybe."

Fin left our group not long after this. It probably would have made sense to leave as well. There was nothing else to discuss about Mecahd's death. But Barba and I had many other things to discuss and it only took us two more drinks to get there.

"When will we need to...prepare?" I didn't elaborate on this, but he understood I was talking about the trial with Lewis.

"We still have some time." He spoke softly, "I've already been studying your files."

For a moment I dropped my gaze. I knew he was talking about the medical files. I knew he knew where Lewis had branded me. I knew he had seen the pictures of my scars.

"We'll get him this time, Liv."

I nodded, but didn't answer. It wasn't that I didn't believe him, I _had_ to believe him, but Barba had said these words before.

"When you were..." He paused, staring at the empty glass in his hands, "When you were back, I came to see you so many times, but I never...I never made it over the threshold." He looked up at me, "You wouldn't believe how much time I spent inside the car in front of the hospital and not being able to go inside. I wrote you _so_ many cards, but I never found the right words and always ended up throwing them away. I didn't know how to say how sorry I am."

I didn't answer.

It wasn't that I blamed him. Or anyone else for that matter, but Barba was the only one who apologised.

Nick, Cragen, Munch, Fin and Rollins should have had my back and they hadn't. Cragen was the one to send me home and he had not apologised. Amanda had brought Lewis in, she hadn't been moved by guilt in any way. Everyone had written _Get Well Soon!_ cards and had come by, but no one had _apologised_. No one but him.

"It's not your fault." I looked up at him now, "And it doesn't matter that you never sent a card or came by. I used to blame you. If you had come by..." I didn't know how to explain, I had _hated_ him, "It wouldn't have ended well. I used to blame _every_ one, the entire Squad, myself, even Brian at some point...but the fact is, Lewis is the only one responsible for his actions. We have to stop looking for reasons and just accept what happened. We can't change it, we can't make it undone."

He stared at me for a long time without commenting, before he finally said,

"Those are some very wise words, Detective."

I smiled, "Well, I have been in therapy for the past four months."

"And you...you don't blame me anymore?" The insecurity in his voice and the emotions in his green eyes caused me to hurt.

"No." I almost reached out to touch his hand, but decided against it. I needed him to focus on my words now, "You need to listen now, because this is the last time you and I will talk about this, ok? I. Do. _Not_. Blame. You."

"I failed you." He spoke quietly, "And I don't know, if I can ever stop blaming myself for that."

"You'll have to get over it, Counselor." I said with a small smile, moving away from him and further into my seat, "I'm over it. It's no one's fault but his, you can let it go and buy me another drink."

"I paid for the last two rounds!"

"Well then you already know what I want!" I shot back with a grin.

Muttering under his breath he slid out of the booth and went to the bar. I pulled out my phone from my pocket. Brian had called me four times and I had a few messages.

 _Where are you?_

 _Are you ok?_

 _Liv, I'm worried._

I sighed quietly, staring at the device in my hands, but not quite able to form an answer in my head. I knew where I was, but was I ok? Was it _ok_ that I wanted to stay here with Barba and not tell Brian where I was? Or who I was with?

"Alright, Detective, but this is last one for tonight, ok?" He sat down in front of me once more and handed me my drink, "To Forgiveness."

"And the Everlasting Love between you and Efron!"

"Will you let that go already?!" He snapped in a jokingly manner, "It will never happen."

"We'll see."

We bumped our glasses together and I drank with a smile. The topic with Lewis was far from over. I knew that and Barba sure as hell knew it too. The trial was the real war that had to be won. Making sure nobody found out what had really happened at the Beach-House was my main priority. But for now we could let go of self blame and guilt.

Lewis had taken a lot away from me, but not this. Not my friendship with Barba. Not our Insiders or our jokes.

"Olivia." He suddenly said, "There is one more serious issue I need to address."

I nodded. He needed more time this evening, more time to talk about this, until he could fully let go. I understood that. It was hard to let go.

"Please, if you respect me at all, in any way, do not make me come to your House-Warming-Party."

I laughed loudly, my body shaking the way it only had when I had sobbed these past few months. The noises escaping my mouth seemed foreign to me.

"I'm serious!"

The phone in my pocket rang once more.

"You know how awkward it would be for me. You can't force me to come."

"Oh, Counselor, you're killing me!" I gasped in between my laughter. I knew of course that it would be strange for him. I knew he and Brian did not like each other.

"So, we've agreed on this? Just...you know lose my invitation or I'll be out of town, we'll think of something."

Grinning I pulled my phone from my pocket and replied:

 _I'm fine._

* * *

Guys, there is absolutely no excuse for the delay. I am SO SO SO sorry! I've been making some pretty huge decisions in my life lately and I have never been so happy and terrified at the same time, so fanfiction has been neglected. I'm really sorry!

I am not entirely sure what I think about this chapter, so please tell me what you think. Thank you for all of your reviews and messages. I hope to hear from you soon. In the light of Forgiveness and the Everlasting Love between Efron and Barba, I truly hope you can forgive me for not updating sooner.


	3. October Surprise

**October Surprise (15x06)**

* * *

 _Barba: When I was seven ...When I was seven, my mom said, 'stick with Alex. 'He'll be mayor of New York someday.'  
Olivia: Wow.  
Barba: She never said that about me.  
Olivia: You okay?  
_ _Barba: It's politics. No danger of a traffic jam on the high road.  
_ _Olivia: Still he was your friend.  
_ _Barba: So was Yelina. She thinks this was personal, not professional.  
_ _Olivia: You had a job to do. You did it. That's all this was.  
_ _Barba: Was it?_

* * *

Of course I knew his question was rhetorical, but I couldn't help answering it: "Yes, you did the right thing."

He didn't answer and starred into his glass. It was clear he wasn't okay.

"Don't let them get to you."

"They were my oldest friends, Liv." He looked up at me now, "I can't stop them from getting to me."

I had no answer to this. But he drained his glass and then said: "Alex...he thinks I've lost my principles because I went to an Ivy-League-School. He thinks it was all about money."

When I shook my head with a grin, he frowned and I realised my amusement had to be explained:

"He thinks _you've_ lost your principles? He's been cheating on his wife, he's been sexting with a minor and he accuses you of being a bad person?!" I couldn't stop myself from laughing quietly and Rafael began chuckling beside me.

"You're the one who stood up to his principles and he's acting like the people's hero." I shook my head, "It's unreal."

"He has got a point." Now he shrugged, "I worked myself to the top and barely looked back to where I came from."

I didn't answer and drank from my wine. _Where I came from._ I rarely thought about it anymore either. But did that make us bad people?

"You and Yelina..." I didn't finish my question and Barba raised his eyebrows with a crooked smile,

"What are you asking, Detective?"

I blushed deeply, but he saved me the embarrassment of actually voicing my question.

"Before Yelina was with Alex. She was with me." He shrugged his shoulders casually, "We were Teenagers, but she thinks I hold a grudge against them."

"For stealing her away from you?"

Barba merely shrugged his shoulders, but didn't comment.

"The more I found out about Alex the less I like him." I nudged him gently, "I won't be voting for him."

He smiled back.

"I'm sorry about your Mum. That she never said anything about you."

Something lit up in his sad eyes, "My grandmother still thinks I'll be a judge one day."

"Judge Barba." I smiled, "It has a ring to it."

He grinned now and the sadness in his eyes finally began to vanish, "So does Sargent Benson."

"Did Cragen tell you?"

He nodded, "He gave me a heads-up. So, are you going to take the exam?"

"Yeah." My glass was empty now as well and I set it down, "Yeah, I am. I'm glad Cragen asked me."

"Why wouldn't he have?" When he asked this question I dropped my gaze. The answer was clear. Because of Lewis. Because of how I had failed in my first case after coming back. Because after 14 years I had been forced to show weakness. I didn't answer and Barba slid closer, taking a deep breath, before he continued: "You're an excellent Detective Liv, everyone knows you'll be amazing Sargent."

My heart seemed to skip a beat at his praised and leaned back, "Was your Mum right about anything else? Did she foresee if any of your friends would be the President?"

Barba chuckled, "No. No she didn't."

"Do you guys want another round?" The bartender asked and we looked at one another, before saying at the same time:

"Yes."

* * *

Guys I have nothing left to say, but how sorry I am I took this long to update! From now on it will be quicker. I'm really sorry, please tell me what you think!


	4. Dissonant Voices

**Dissonant Voices (15x07)**

* * *

 _Olivia: I keep going over it in my head. Those kids did not sound coached.  
Amaro: We had the DNA. We were just doing our job.  
Barba: People lie, people make mistakes, people get hurt. This comes with the territory.  
Rollins: No, you guys can keep telling yourselves whatever you want. This didn't have to happen._

* * *

"I just..." I sighed, "Normally we make a good difference. We don't ruin lives."

"Barba's right." Brian muttered, cluchtng the beer in his hand tightly, "Mistakes happen."

"Rollins is right." I didn't want to argue with him, but I couldn't let this go, "This wasn't some mistake. We ruined his life. It's over."

"Well you can't change it, Liv."

"I know." I slid closer to him and he wrapped his arm around me, "I'm sorry. You're right, it's over. How was your day?"

"Well, better than yours. I talk-"

My ringing cellphone interrupted him and I sat up, bringing distance between us again.

"Who is it?"

"Barba." We hadn't spoken after our obvious failure. He probably wanted to hit a bar. Or maybe he already had hit a bar and this was his drunken-call.

Oh my.

"Are you avoiding him?" Brian sounded confused, which made sense. Barba and I got along very well.

"No."

The phone continued to ring. He was being persistent and I didn't want him to think I was avoiding him. Even if it was a drunken-call, what did it matter? We were friends.

"Hello?"

"Olivia!" He didn't sound drunk, "I spoke to a friend of mine, well he's not really a friend, but his wife's sister is a teacher and she pulled some strings...and I got Jackie Walker a new job!"

"What?!" I exclaimed, sitting up so suddenly that I knocked against Brian and he spilled his beer all over himself, "That's great!"

Brian glared at me, before setting his bottle down on the coffeetable and went into the bedroom to get changed.

"Yeah." Barba sounded tired.

"So, you couldn't let this go either?" I leaned back against the sofa.

"No." He admitted without hesistation, "Rollins was right."

"You know, you should call her. She'll be glad to hear the news."

"Yeah, you're right." It was only very mild, but I could hear the hurt in his voice. I hadn't meant it like that, I didn't want to hang up.

"Oh, I can't believe this!" Barba suddenly hissed into the phone and I sat up,

"What's wrong?"

"Turn on Channel One."

I hadn't expected him to be at home and it was funny that he automatically assumed I would be. But then, if we weren't out together, maybe it was obvios we weren't out at all.

It was Brooke and she was singing, as was her friend Rachel. I gramaced at their highpitched voices and turned the TV down. Next up was her mother:

"Jackie Walker is not a child-molester, but he brought this whole thing down on himself: If he hadn't broken my daughters heart by telling he she wasn't going to be a star, she never would have done this!"

"Are they really doing this?" I sighed.

Rachels mother also stated: "Jackie Walker destroyed my daughters life. The worst thing somebody can do is discourage a young person and take away their hopes and dreams."

"That's the worst thing?" Barba sounded amused, "She makes it sound like she'd rather have had her children abused."

"Well then she wouldn't have had to blame them." I whispered, before switching the TV off. Brian hadn't returned yet, although I was sure, he had already gotten changed, "I'm gonna call it a night, Barba. Thanks for calling."

It meant a lot.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

We hung up and I was left with an empty feeling. I would have liked to talk to him longer.

* * *

For once they are not in a bar ;-) What do you guys think? This episode was so horrible, I feel really bad for Mr. Jackie and would like to think he was able to carry on with his life normally.


	5. Military Justice

**Military Justice (15x08)**

* * *

 _Nick:_ _I might have something that can help. Taverts' testimony at a military hearing  
_ _Barba: Stop! No, stop talking.  
_ _Rollins: Okay, you all right, counselor?  
_ _Barba:You almost tripped over the garrity rule. Everything in this file is dirty. An officer can't invoke at a military hearing, so the courts consider this testimony to be compelled, to be coerced.  
_ _Olivia: So these statements cannot be used in a criminal prosecution.  
_ _Barba: If I even so much as look at this file, I have to recuse myself from the case._ _Mistrial. Game over._ _Where did you get this file?  
_ _Rollins: It's it was my idea. His ex works at the Pentagon. I thought if he nosed around about Taverts...  
_ _Nick: Maria said the flood gates opened up on this guy.  
_ _Barba: Yeah, I bet they did. They're setting you up. Someone's trying to poison the well.  
_ _Nick: You know, hypothetically, if I had read it, could I talk to another defendant about his relationship with...  
_ _Barba: Would you stop talking? You read this file? You can't talk to anyone about any of this, and you're off the case. Me entiendes?_

* * *

"You know..." Amanda spoke in a low voice, "What happened to Amelia, the way she was treated because she was a woman...do you think that's really only because she was in the military?"

We were at our local bar, waiting for Barba and Nick. We were celebrating our winning the case. I stared down at the beer in my hands. Amanda had made some hints before that something had happened to her, when she'd worked in the Atlanta PD. But she had never gone into full detail about it.

"There are rapists everywhere Amanda, you know that."

"I don't mean the rape. I mean...the fact that she always had to prove herself, just because she was a woman...was it like that for you too?"

"Yeah." I shrugged my shoulders, "Well, not when I started working with my old partner. He was so respectful of women, he has three daughters. But before that, yeah definitively and right now as a Sargent I feel the pressure too. What about you?"

Rollins smiled and avoided my gaze, "The Atlanta boys...let's just say they didn't exactly make the job easy for me."

"And now?"

She grinned, "It helps to have a female Sargent."

"Why did you leave in the first place?"

"I just finished talking to Amelia, she's thinking about going to law school." Barba slid into the booth beside me and then looked up at us, "Am I interrupting something?"

"No." Amanda smiled, taking a sip of her drink, "Not at all, Counselar."

She didn't want to talk about it, that was ok.

"Law School?"

Barba nodded, "It surprised me too. She said she wants to use the justice system for doing what is right."

"That's pretty admirable."

"Hey." Nick sat down beside Amanda and avoided Barbas eyes.

"Did you drop Zara off?"

He nodded and then said: "I'm going to get something to drink, does anyone still want something?"

"No." Amanda stood up as well, "But I'll go with you."

When they left I turned to the ADA sitting beside me, "You have to apologise to him."

"For what?"

"You belittled him, when you took him off the case. With everything that's going on with his wife and the divorce...he's not in a good place right now."

He raised his eyebrows and then shook his head, "You planned this, didn't you? Did you tell Rollins to go away with him now too?"

"I knew that you wouldn't have come, if I'd told you before."

"You're unbelievable Olivia. I'm not going to apologise, Nick is a grown man. If this really was a problem for him, then he can tell me himself." He moved to stand up, but I gripped his arm.

"Please, Barba. This _is_ a problem, he's just not good at talking about things that bother him. If this isn't resolved then you two would just get into an argument and I don't want that."

He pulled his arm free and raised his hands questioningly, "How could you possibly know that?"

"I know Nick."

"I'm not going to apologise, if I didn't do anything wrong."

"Please." I leaned forward, "Just do it for me, ok? Please."

He took a deep breath, obviously unhappy about my plea, but then he slid into the booth beside me again, just in time for Amanda and Nicks return.

"To Amelia." I said and the four of us held up our glasses and bottles.

"Listen Amaro, I'm sorry, if I stepped on your toes about the testimony."

Nick shrugged his shoulders, "It's all good, Conselor. No hard feelings, you were just doing your job."

Barba looked at me as if to say _I-told-You-so!_ And I answered with an _I-don't-care!_ -smile.

"So, does anyone feel like dancing?" Amanda asked, "To really celebrate this outcome?"

"I don't dance." Barba said swiftly and I grinned:

"In Public?"

"At all."

"Liv?"

There was no way I was going to make a fool out of myself by dancing in front of members of my squad and our ADA, "Well I would, but I don't want to leave Barba here all by himself."

He knew all too well how much he would regret it, if he didn't support me on this and nodded beside me,

"Thanks Detective."

She looked up at Nick raising her eyebrows with a smile.

"I...I have this condition that doesn't allow me to dance ever. It gives me heart-failure and I might collapse."

Amanda laughed and I was glad to see her so surprisingly cheerful, as she pulled Nick to his feet and to the dancefloor.

"So, how long until they're together?" Barba nodded towards the two.

"I don't know. We at SVU have standarads, we don't date colleages or lawyers." I nudged him gently.

"Would you let the Efron-thing go?!" He snapped, but still had an amusing look in his eyes, "Besides we never dated, she only hit on me."

"It's still weird."

He tore his gaze away from Nick and Amanda to look at me, "Do you want to hear something weirder? Last I heard _Buchanan_ has a thing for you!"

"Barba, that's disgusting!" I laughed and he laughed too, "Thank you."

The ADA didn't have to ask what for, "You're welcome."

For apologising to Nick, even though he hadn't done anything wrong, for being in my corner, for making me laugh.

* * *

Thank you for all your reviews! Does anyone else think Barba was a bit too harsh with Nick or that they should have talked about it afterwards? I also think its super hot, when Barba speaks Spanish, but maybe that's just me :D


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